Im sure you wil all remember that shortly before amy was born i moved jakes stuff from the spare room wardrobe to mine, and it really upset me.
Well yesterday i had to move his picture from my living room to my bedroom, simply to save my sanity and im heartbroken because of it.
When josh looks at a picture of himself he says baby and points to himself, when he sees a pic of amy he says baby and points to her. He suddenly started taking an interest in jakes picture, he was saying baby, looking around and then saying no baby. the first time he did it it sort of made me smile because he realised that Jake wasnt him or amy. but this carried on all day and listening to him saying no baby was tearing me apart. so while he took a nap last night i took the picture away from the living room and up to my bedroom. i know it doesnt matter were it is but actually lifting it and moving it just made me feel like im shoving him aside again. I didnt want to do it but i cant make josh understand that he isnt here. he just keeps looking for him
im having one of those days today where i just feel powerless to change anything that makes me unhappy. i feel a bit lost. i have been snappy with josh just because i dont know how to deal with all the emotions i feel.
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