how can i pull myself out of this

[mummytoanangel]

I dont know where else to go, I feel so low at the moment. My health visitor came out yesterday and did the postnatal questionaire, she said I scored quite high, which we were both expecting. I have been a wreck for the last couple of weeks, crying almost every day. I feel like i am getting worse and i dont know what i can do to stop myself spiralling out of control.I have suffered with depression before, and can feel myself heading the same way again. I really dont want to get to the point where i need anti depressants as last time they made me so tired and sleepy, which i dont need with Aiden to look after. the hv is coming back again in a week, but asked me to call if im feeling much worse.
I have so much love for Aiden, and enjoy looking after him, but am feeling like i cant cope with even the simple everyday tasks like cooking dinner.
My angels are on my mind now more than ever and i cant help but think that life has been so cruel. I feel guilty for loving aiden as much as i do, i dont want my angels to think i have forgotten about them. And I feel guilty for being upset, when i should be happy i have got Aiden when so many others wish for a baby to take home.
This probably sound like a whole load of  jibberish, but that is exactly how i feel, nothing in my head makes sense. sorry for going on, but like i said i dont know where else to turn.

Sam xx

[Alison - Lucys Mammy]

 

I've no words really except I'm sure everything you are feeling is normal and that ALL your babies are very proud of you I'm sure, give yourself some time but if you feel its getting to much talk to someone we are all here for you 

[olivias mummy]

 

awww hun im so sorry your struggling at the moment. exercise releases endorphines which make you feel happier and actually stops you from feeling so lethargic. I am not suggesting you take up a rigorous exercise programme but that you take baby Aiden for a long walk in his pram every day in the fresh air. Another good idea is to find some time to leave Aiden with your other half and go out for a short time, go feed the ducks, go swimming, go see your angels anything that gives you some 'me' time.

i hope these help.

love cheryl xx 

[ginger dee]

             

[Taylor_DylansMommy]

I understand exactly what you are saying. Feeling guilty is to be expected, although none of us should have to feel guilty for loving our child. I LOVE JennaLee so much I want to burst, and I constantly have Taylor on my mind, wondering what he would be like, wondering what it would've felt like to care for him. I am torn between two beautiful babies and I shouldn't be, but I am.

I think Cheryl's suggesting for time outdoors, walking with your little man, or something else that gets you out, may be of help. I don't get time to grief for my angel, I work 60+ hours a week, so when I feel like I am headed for a breakdown I go jogging. It's a huge release, I run off my pain and anger and then I stop and cry for a while. It lets me get myself back together again, so that I can LOVE JennaLee so much I want to burst, and Jordan and Dylan.

Take care....
 

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

It doesnt sound sound like jibberish hun. I felt exactly the same when i had josh. I used to smile at him then almost force myself to cry so jake would know i still missed him.

I can promise you that it will get easier in time. You have no need to feel guilty, your angels selected Aiden and sent him to you to put that smile on your face. Enjoy every minute of him without ever feeling guilty. Its what your little angels would want for you.

Be strong hun! Feel free to PM me if you need a chat

 

[mummytoanangel]

Thanks for replying everyone, it does feel a bit better to know im not going crazy, or at least if i am im not the only one. Thanks for the suggestions cheryl, ive managed to get myself out today for a long walk, too aiden in the pram and just walked for miles. It did make me feel so much better while i was out, gonna give it my best shot to make sure i go out at least once a day now. thanks again xx

[olivias mummy]

so glad the long walk and fresh did you good, keep it up.

love cheryl xx