Heaven!

[Pamela]

I’m getting a little worried about Jessica, she is fine in every way, no changes really with her attitude etc but I cant help thinking that talking about heaven being this lovely place will create some kind of false illusion, she seems so “Not Bothered” about death! It’s just so hard to know what to say/do for the best. I have been told that it is just her age but she says some things some times that just don’t feel right! For instance, someone’s mummy died and she said will her dad get married and get her another mummy? There are other things, she just seems so matter of fact!

When Bobby dies I’m going to get a cat!

I had to explain to her the other day that if we did have another baby that it wouldn’t be a replacement for Jamie because of something she said which I cant remember but then a few days later she said if we had another baby it wont be as nice as Jamie! I just feel like I’m not explaining things ok but yet even doctors of told me I am doing the right things!

Maybe I am blowing it all out of proportion I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about!

She asked me last night “what is Jamie having for his tea” she really does believe that Heaven is just another place, is this ok to believe? I don’t know? I went along with it and said Angel Cake and Mashed potatoes like fluffy clouds! Is this wrong?

Jessica used to wet the bed a lot, right up until the morning Jamie died. Sometimes we would have a couple of dry weeks and then we might have a wet bed every night. Since Jamie has gone to Heaven she has only wet the bed twice in nearly 7 months! So I don’t think she is stressing about anything.

I guess I just want to know if your other children are ok, do they say strange things – should I be worried?

I was crying last night, it is the first time she has seen my cry in a couple of months I think and she just said are you crying, I said yes and she just came and gave me a kiss, she is so lovely, I’m just so scared of letting her down too!

x

[ginger dee]

We get questions from Olivia who's 5 she asks why you cant visit heaven and how do you get there if you cant drive or walk there. We tell her like you do with Jessica about heaven as i do believe you go some were after death if that is heaven i don't know. We was told about a book called waterlilies and dragon files and also goodbye mog these books have been brilliant in helping try explain things it may be worth reading them to her as when we read them to Olivia she seems to understand more as when we had Amelia we thought she would think it was a replacement for jayden but in the goodbye mog book the story tells of how they get a new kitten after mog died but mog watches from heaven and the waterlilies and drangrons flys was written after a little boy died and they need to expalin to his friends.

Its so hard as we don't know for sure what happens after until we pass i do not think you are blowing it out of perpotion. I always say to Olivia were upset because hes not with us and we miss him ever day but he can watch us from heaven and he will always be her brother it nice that Jessica thinks of Jamie and talks about him i was told by a women from the fsid the best thing to help children is talking about there sibling and answer as many of there questions as possible that way things don't get bottled up in them also when Olivia met other kids who had lost a brother or sister they were all talking about heaven.

[Paula_xox_]

   Pamela

I know my situation is different to your but my two Matthew is 7 and Sarah is 8 both talk about the boys but more so Matthew. The other day he said Harry will be playing football up in the clouds today with Alex and all of the other babies and i said yes they will. When i get don Matthew will come over and ask me if i'm sad cos i miss Harry and do i love Harry. Its strange as he talks more about Harry than Alex maybe its cos he was older but only 9 mths of because he felt Harry move i'm not sure.

Matthew knows the boys song Chasing cars by Snow Patrol and says here's the boys song. i wouldnt change anything about the way he thinks about them or talks about them as he knows they are his brothers.when we go pout he wants to buy clothes for them to put into their memory boxes of buy teddy bears for the fire surround with their other ones.

I think Jessica is getting through things well and as long as your there for her to answer any questions she's happy. Have you got any books about bereavent as Donna says there are books you can get to read to young ones about death and maybe that will help.

 

Hope your ok  love Paula xox

[Taylor_DylansMommy]

My son does say 'Strange' things about Death. He understands it all too well. He lost his brother and auntie in one year. He saw his Mom and Dad grieve so hard for both losses. When JennaLee was in my belly, he constantly asked me if she died. When I would say no he would change the subject. When she was born, he asked if she died if we were going to go to the hospital and get another baby. I felt bad because that sounded like he basically thought we just 'got another baby' after Taylor passed away. And I am sure that is what he thinks. He's only three. I think, from what I've read, you're doing a fine job. I don't think that there is anything wrong with your child's understanding of Heaven. Dylan is told that Taylor went with Jesus. He doesn't quite understand, but he will as he gets older. I interviewed a family recently (childcare provider) who experienced a stillbirth with their first child. The 2nd is about 8 now, and he knew very well about the older baby that passed away. He talked about him as if he experienced it and lost a brother. He was very open and intelligent.

[olivias mummy]

Pamela i think you are doing the right thing by your daughter and unfortunately she wont keep that sweet childish innocence forever, one day she will understand death and the ways of the world but i think the longer she lives in a childs perfect world the better.

love cheryl xx 

[Pamela]

Thanks all

I guess I just stress so easliy these days. I have bought books and got books from the libary we even have a memory book that we fill in. It's jessica's thoughts on Jamie and how she is. I think I am doing ok with here I just hope she does when she is older. I am so scared of scaring her but I think from what you have all said that things she is saying is ok. So panic over.... for now! LOL

The police gave me back Jamie's balnkets and dummies the other day, I couldnt have them until after the inquest. Jessica found them and asked if she could keep a dummy on her bed next to one of Jamie's muslins. I said she could and she has made a little corner at the pillow end of her bed.

thanks again everyone xx

[dn85]

Our eldest asks loads of questions about people dyeing, he wants to know when people die, how they die. What heaven is like. We try and answer them the best we can, after losing Cady-rene the health visitor came out to see us all and she said that answering questions and talking openly about what has happened is the best thing for a child. I think your daughter talking about your little man will help her understand more of what has happend.
Donna
X xx X

[olivias mummy]

awwww bless her, thats lovely.

love cheryl xx