Im not coping, i feel like a mess! (l/c mentioned)

[mummytoanangel]

I dont know if this is the right place to post this, So please feel free to move it if its not. Maybe I shouldn't even post at all, I just dont know where else to go.
My life just feels like a hopeless mess at the moment, and I feel like I cant do anything right. I pretty much hate myself all the time and end up convincing myself that everything i do is wrong and instead of trying to help myself Im just wallowing in self pity, Im almost happier being miserable, if that makes sense?
Im failing everyone, im always falling out with my husband over stupid things, Im failing Aiden as Im not able to see clearly enough be taking proper care of him and most of all Im failing my angels cuz i know they wouldnt want me to be acting like this, why would they want to see there mommy crying everyday. Im just a mess. I thought several times last week about joining my angels in heaven, if it wasnt for my beautiful baby Aiden i dont know what I would do. He is the one thing keeping my going at the moment, knowing that he needs me.
I have seen my Dr, and have been prescribed anti-depressants, which i wasnt overjoyed about, but I think its finally time to admit that I need a bit of help. I have suffered from depression before and according to my doctor was more sucesptable to PND because of how difficult that last 18months has been for me. He has recomended that I also see a counsellor as he thinks i probably didnt give myself enough time mentally to grieve my miscarriages before concieving again, which he is probably right.
I dont know why im posting, I guess im just looking for a bit of support, and need to know it does get easier. My husband is lovely but I dont think he quite understands how down I am right now. Im very good at putting a smile on my face for other people then crying my eyes out when Im on my own.
Thanks for letting me ramble on,

Sam xxx

[olivias mummy]

 

Hun you need to stop putting that smile on infront of your husband and lean on him for support. He would be devestated if he realised you needed him but that were hiding it and so not giving him the chance to support you.

Your doctor is right i think you would benefit from counselling and also think the antidepressants are a good idea, unfortunately they take ages to start working which is why you need hubbys support.

Aiden is a precious gift as you know but nobody thinks bad of you for not coping. i havnt experienced it yet but i know that many of the members who have gone on to have babies after loss do struggle alot with the range of emotions invovled and im sure they will be able to offer you more advice.

never sit at home having bad thoughts as there is often someone online who will chat to you and hopefully be of some support to you.

love cheryl xx 

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

 

You are not failing anyone hun, especially not Aiden.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself. A new baby after a loss will always take its toll, its difficult to feel such a wide range of emotions all at the same time.

Talk to your partner, and your family and your friends and to us on here. dont bottle things up.

Give the councelling and the tablets a chance, it cetainly wont do any harm.

To have gotten this far you have already proven just how strong you are so dont give up. It will get easier as the weeks and months pass

take care of yourself