I am so down

[elenors mummy]

As you all know i havent had the computer for a few weeks so i havent been able to alk to any one!!!!  I am so so down i normally go and visit Elenor either everyday or everyother day (depending on weather) i havent been for 2 weeks and today was the first time i had been in 2 weeks i just cant face it .... i feel so so guilty for Loving lola so much when it should be Elenor i am loving as well...... Yes i love elenor with all my heart but shes not here!!!!
I have been in a hole and i feel like i am getting deeper and deeper in it...... I am going to see my doctor on tuesday as i feel i just cant go on like this anymore  been so down,,,,,, its not fair on Wes or the kids and i just keep breaking down and crying..... Its actully hit me that i have a healthy baby in Lola and i feel so lucky for that but i feel so so bitter and angry that my baby girl elenor is not here with her mummy and daddy

Sorry for going on just getting off my chest xxx

[olivias mummy]

 

Im so sorry your struggling Lynette and i hope your doctor can get you some support and help.

I know how grateful you are for Lola but that will never change the fact your beautiful daughter Elenor should be with you.

You do have enough love in you for both of them and i think you need to try and find a way of realising that.

Loving Lola does not take one bit of love you have for Elenor.

I sometimes have longer between going to Livvys grave than others and i think its natural to sometimes not be able to go, it is not a reflection of how much you do or dont love your daughter but more a reflection of your needs at that time and you ability to cope with something so unbelievably hard.

Here for you when you need it.

love cheryl xx 

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

a million  to you lynette,

Im so sorry you have been feeling so down recently, especially as you have had no one to talk to.

You have 2 very special baby girls in your life, nothing will ever ever change that, Elenor knows how much you love her even when you cant manage to get up to visit her.

But she wants you to be happy and to be enjoying every moment with Lola, she wouldnt have sent her here otherwise.

I hope the doctor can offer you some help and you will soon be feeling a little brighter,

Much love to you and yours

Take care

 

[Olliemam+1]

Lynette

Sending you  .  I know what you are saying about loving Lola and feeling guilty.  I love Oliver with all of my heart and would do anything to help and protect him, but I can't help wondring what if he had got to meet his older brother or sister, I know it sound silly but I often imagine them playing together.  Anyway enough of me going on, I hope that the doctor can help you, you know where we are.

Take care


Dawn xxxxx. 

[ginger dee]

Theys not much i can say other then i know what you mean i love Amelia to bits but feel so guilty as she never met her big brother i some times aviod taking her to cemetery as it hurts to see all kids there as they sud all be at home i also get angry to about Jayden not been with us here if you need to talk iam here xxxxxxx