I know its awful but i'm still so angry!

[mummy of twin angels]

  I dont mean to offend anyone by this post but i just want to know if anyone feels the same??

Since losing my twins i have been so bitter - when i see other twins about i smile and think 'what if' but then afterwards i think 'why me and my babies'! i'm so angry that we lost each other - they were my beautiful babies, and deserved a chance in life......

When i read stories or see something on the tele about how twins and multiples were born even earlier than 27 weeks and still survived i feel so angry that me and my twins werent blessed with the same :-( Its a horrible horrible way to think i know, but i just hate not having the with me and i cant understand why it all happened! still to this day the doctors and the nurses etc still say it was just 'one of those things'!?! But deep down i know it was my fault, maybe thats why i am so angry!? It was my first pregnancy and i didnt really slow down enough, we moved house the weekend before, i stopped work the week before - and to this day i blame me and my partner because we had sex the night before i went into labour (the doctors said even this couldnt have been the reason) but how do they know EVERYTHING?

  havig a really low day as i bet u can tell - but is it just me who thinks like this? am i that nasty? :-( xx

[davids- mummy]

you are not to blame for loosing your beautiful babies and please dont think that i am the same way too over david babies before 29 weeks if he was monitored more closely he would still be here sending you 

[Pamela]

I know it's easy to say it isnt your fault but it really isnt. The Guilt for us all is there for many different reasons. I just wanted to send you a hug and say the feelings you are having are probably what most of us have experienced at some point xx 

[daire and odhrans mum]

It's not easy seeing or hearing about twins,  my friend just celebrated her twins christening at the weekend and I just couldn't face going.  It's hard not to shout "do you realise how lucky you are" when you see other parents with twins. 
We will always be the mother of twins no one can ever take that away from us, don't ever ever feel guilty for anything.

Karen

[marie Ethan's mum]

we all have guilt , but it's not your fault either of you .   

losing your precious babies will never be ''just on of those things'' to you or any of us here .

 

[GillyF]

You're not offending anybody here - feeling angry after the loss of a baby is perfectly natural and you have lost two so your bitterness is entirely understandable.

The doctors said "it's just one of those things" because they failed in their responsibility to communicate with you more sensitively and because they couldn't admit to you that, when it comes to making and carrying babies, there are an awful lot of things that they just do not know. When you've been through losses and fertility treatment that becomes really clear to you. Doctors say "It's just bad luck," when they just don't want to admit they don't know why it didn't have the outcome everybody hoped for.

But what is clear is that unless you smoke, drink and eat things you shouldn't whilst pregnant you are not at fault. And you shouldn't feel guilty for envying people their healthy babies. It would be odd if you didn't.

You're not a bad, nasty person, you're just deeply traumatised by your bereavement  - and you're a lot stronger than you think.

Take care,
Gilly

[angel jamies mummy]

I know excactly how you feel.My stomach is in knots when I see twin boys about,I feel sick.The lady facing me has twin boy granchildren,who are a year older than Stephen and Jamie and a girl four doors down from me has just had twin boys and I feel myself hating her,I know it's not her fault she has twins and I would'nt wish them any harm but I can't help the way I feel.Every time I see her passing my window with them I feel sick.But it makes me angry because I done everything right for my boys I don't smoke or drink,I ate healthy foods avoided everything I was told to and she was drunk every weekend,she'd be singing up the street smoking and falling all over the place.sorry to go on but it makes me so angry.If I could afford to move I would as This street is just full of twins,there are two more sets of twins in the street as well but they are girls.love lisa xxxx

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

 

I can only imagine how you are feeling having said goodbye to two precious babies.

I too feel the same anger when I hear of babies born before Jakes gestation and surviving. Why me is something we will probably ask every day for the rest of our lives

Be gentle with yourself

 

[Angel Rosemary's mum ~ tigertess]

its perfectly natural how you feel ................ it hits me even still when I see boy/girl twins and yea I do envy the mother as that should have been me, I too wouldnt wish no harm on the twins just admit jealousy creeps in xxxxxxxxxxx

[scossiboon]

oh you are NOT offending! I get so angry at site of new babies, pregnant women and everything else down to diaper commercials. The mail that brings the catalogs of baby things and the other day a relative sent an scan pic of their baby I was so angry that they would hurt me like that.
I think anger is a big part of our grieving. Hang in there hun lots of us are there with you!