my babes

[Randivw]

i had a miscarriage back in oct 2008, i was pregnant with twins but lost one of the twins very early on, was very excited to be having babies (scared s**tless but so happy) when i lost one i was kinda okay with it as fromt he day i found out i had a feeling in my heart i was going to miscarry, i thought since i had lost one i wouldn't loose the other but i did a month later, i felt so close to the one baby and i felt that baby was a boy, i never felt anything about the other one and somedays i feel so guilty about that baby.

[Bretts mummy Emma]

Awww hunni so sorry for your loss 

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]

 

[GillyF]

Hi there,

I'm so sorry for the loss of both your babies.

Losing a baby early on in a multiple pregnancy is actually quite common, it's called Vanishing Twins, and in the days before ultrasound many women won't have realised that it happened to them. With my experience of IVF, I've come across a lot of pregnancies that were diagnosed as multiples at 7 weeks, and then at the 12 weeks scan one baby had died.

When you've been through the high of knowing you're pregnant and carrying a baby, it's immensely distressing to lose them, but when it happens in a twin pregnancy - at any stage and even after birth - it is almost inevitable that we focus intensely on the survivor because we're so desperate for everything to be ok for them. And later we feel very guilty that we didn't do enough for the survivor. For example, I am wracked with guilt that I didn't stay longer with my son after he died, that I wanted to get back to the hospital where my other son was.

Guilt is the curse of the grieving mother, and though you lost your baby early on, I think it's simply natural to feel guilty at times that one baby was more a part of you than the other. 

best wishes,

Gilly