How can I reassure him?

[Bretts mummy Emma]

I sat and had a long chat with Conor (9) yesterday and told him about the bereavement cousilling, we talked for ages about his thoughts and feelings about it. The one thing that he said that has really stood out and tbh shocked me was that he wants baby Max to live til he's at least 1 so that he gets to open his presents cos Brett didn't get to open his  how sad is that? That my 9 yr old has it in his head that Max is going to die as a baby but he would rather it be after he is 1 given the choice!!! What can I say to him to reassure him that Max will be fine? I want to tell him that he is going to be ok but (heaven forbid) lightening strikes twice? I adore my children and wouldn't wish this pain on them again but if it did happen it wouldn't be my ex who would have to try to mend their broken hearts it would be me cos I am with them 24/7.
Does anyone have any advice on what I can say to him? I don't want to make promises I can't keep but on the other hand I don't want to lie to him and say that Max will be fine when I just don't know 

xxxxxxxxxxx

[pauline-davids mummy]

emma i totally understand where you are coming from if you make your son a promise that baby max will be fine and things didnt work out that way , conor would be really hurt and confussed , saying his mum made promises she couldnt keep ect , my heart goes out to you and your family emma and i hope couselling helps you all thinknig of you and your family and brett 

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

 

I really dont know what I would tell him but I think I would lean towards convincing him that Max isnt going to die. I know what you mean about not making promises you cant keep though.

Its a difficult one but you know him best  

 

[Bretts mummy Emma]

I tried to sound convincing when I told him that not all babies die and that Max will be fine. But he looked at me and said but you didn't know that Brett would die!! And he's right I didn't have a clue that my perfectly healthy baby was going to die so how do I know that Max will be ok when I have only seen him once and only seen photo's of him? He is so confused bless him, it breaks my heart to see him worry about things that adults have a hard time fathoming out and he is only 9 

I think that I will phone the bereavement place up and just ask their advice while we are waiting for an app cos there is a 2 month waiting list for an app!!!! 

[Pamela]

In my honest opinion and it is my opinion because people think different but if Jessica was to say the same thing to me then I would be as honest as I can be (but for her age range) and say that I don???t know that it wont happen again I can only hope that it wont. Don???t make promises you cant keep. Hopefully none of us will go through this again but as we have found there are no guarantees in life and I believe you shouldn???t give children false hopes.

Don???t scare him as I wouldn???t Jessica, I would just say that what happened was totally out of your control and that all we can do is hope that it doesn???t happen again. That we have to love them just the same and don???t worry about something that might not happen. Easier said than done I know but I would rather it was me doing the worrying than Jessica so I guess I would just try reassurance than promises.

Hope that makes sense

Pamela xx

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]