Advice needed, please!

[Andrea54]

As some of you may be aware, our first little girl, Hannah was stillborn on 10 July 2002... Graeme and I were blessed with a second healthy little girl on 7 June 2003, Marissa, who all things considered is our little miracle!!! We have always been very open about Hannah and bring Marissa with us to visit Hannah's grave and have photos of her about the house.  From time to time Marissa will talk about her and will ask why she isn't with us....

Tonight though we have experienced something that has really unsettled me.  Marissa's primary school has put on a production to celebrate its forty years and although Marissa is too young to be in it, we went to support it... However after I left my mum home, Marissa started to cry and said she wanted Hannah... she was crying quite hard... this continued until we got home.  Once she got home her dad managed to settle her a little bit but when I was getting her ready for bed she asked me why did her heart stop... I said that Hannah was an angel up in heaven and looking down on her and making sure she is being kept safe... Marissa says she doesnt want her there, she wants her here with her and to be looking at her from here...

I dont know what to do, or who to speak to her... it seems that Marissa is in someway grieving for her big sister!!   Have any of you experienced this??

Marissa is having some plastic surgery tomorrow and we have to be at the hospital at 8am and I am wondering is she anxious about this...

I would appreciate any advice..

Thanks

Andrea xx

[Bretts mummy Emma]

My lc Joel went thru  stage of aparrantly seeing his brother Brett after he passed away. He kept telling me that Brett didn't want to be in Heaven and that he wanted to be at home with us. I love the idea of our lc seeing or speaking to our angels but I really thought that this part of Joel was made up by him as a way of trying to get his head around the fact that his brother wasn't coming home. I think if in his head Brett wants to come home then somehow it would happen iykwim?

Maybe Marissa is anxious about tomorrow sweetie and that's not really surprising as my lc are still unsure that drs can make you better if they didn't make their angel siblings better. Keep reasurring her that things will be fine

[Andrea54]

thanks Emma.... she seems calmer now... I'll keep an eye on her...

Thank you x

[Olliemam+1]

Hi Andrea

I am so so sorry that you are having difficulties.  I am now just starting to mention heaven and Angels to Oliver (our sone who is now 4) and I am going to tell him all about his big sister when I think it is right, not that my hubby is too pleased, but I want Oliver to now all about his special Angel watching over us all.

Maybe as you say Marissa is anxious about her surgery, all I can say is that you tell her that you will be there for her each step of the way and will be waiting for her when the surgery is finished tomorrow.  I am sorry that I can't do anything else.  Hope that all goes well tomorrow.

Take care

Dawn xxxxx.  

[Andrea54]

Dawn, thank you for your advice... we wanted to let Marissa know about Hannah.... we had photos around the house and she asked us who the baby was so we just told her... we didnt go into any great detail and tried to give the detail in words Marissa would understand.....

I hope you find the right time to tell Oliver about his precious sister..

Andrea xx

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

I dont really have any advice as my two are both too young to understand about Jake.

Just wanted to say I hope all goes well tomorrow

 

[Jen]

Andrea I have no experience of this at all. It must be hard for you to see Marissa so upset. 

Barnardos in Northern Ireland have a children's grief support counsellor and in my SANDS group I have heard people speak very highly of the service. It might be worth giving them a ring for some advice. I can get the details for you as I know I was sent them a while ago.

I hope tomorrow goes ok for both Marissa and her Mummy.

Take care

Jen

[suzanne]

  the wee honey, i have met marissa a few times and she is a smart wee cookie. i think it is probably connected to her anxiousness about theatre today andrea. i know you are wonderful parents and will find the right words to explain to her about her precious big sister. as jen says there are some councillors who can help you and there are also books to try help explain to children what happens when someone dies. hope all goes well today for marissa. big  for you all. 

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]