my 5yr old is playing 'funerals'

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

it hasn't upset me, what has upset me is how she has somehow lost her innocence, and how many 5yr olds have been through what she has and play 'funerals'. Ashleigh was 3 when we lost ben. In the garden, whilst playing out, she called me over, she'd laid out some leaves and said 'that's the box, remember, when the men lifted it into the hole' (the men lifted bens coffin rather than lowering) then she'd placed a boy doll on top of the leaves and flowers at the front. She then said 'lets pray' 'i miss ben' 'i wish he was here'. It makes me angry that a little girl has to live out her life, knowing about death, without her brother. I don't know whether to get her any help? Or is it normal? Part of me is pleased she thinks, knows and talks of ben. I didn't tell her off or encourage this behaviour. Life is cruel.

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

Big hugs to you Kim.

I personally think it is a good thing that she is expressing herself like this. With Jake being my first born I havent had any experience of dealing with older siblings. But the fact that she can do something like this and not get upset about it sounds quite healthy.

It is very cruel that she has lost her child like innocence but she seems to be dealing with it quite well

 

[pauline-davids mummy]

i am inclined to agree with mel she is expressing her feelings and thoughts , but i have to say no child should have to understand death at such a young age , it is so cruel they should be playing with their brothers or sisters not having to grieve for them xx

[suzanne]

  aw bless her. i remember after caitlin died i heard my 2 girls playing house with their dolls but they were fighting over which of their 'babies' had to die. it really broke my heart but as mel and pauline say its good they let these feelings out instead of bottling them up. its a shame that ashleigh and all the siblings of our angels have to go through this so young in life. 

[Pamela]

I have to agree I think it is good that she feels she is able to show her feelings and her interpretation of what goes on the fact that she feels she can do this with you is also good! But I have to agree too and say that its not fair that they shouldnt have to learn about this yet xx sending hugs xx

[mum2evan+dyfan]

i agree, it is very sad that she has to know what a funeral is,  but it sounds like she has a good understanding of it and isn't afraid or too upset to talk about it.
there are books that you can buy for young children that discuss death through stories, if you think that may help you?

Kathxxx

[Bretts mummy Emma]

Kim I have experienced this myself with Conor who was 4 when Brett died, he played 'funerals' too and whilist I neither encouraged or discouraged this behviour it too was very sad to this. I spoke to my health visitor about it and she said that it was his way of dealing with Brett's death in a child's way. He stopped after a couple of teddy bears funerals which was relieving but I am still upset as my boys have to grow up knowing about death from a young age.

Another thing that Conor always used to ask me was 'mummy I thought that you onlt die if you are poorly or old, but Brett wasn't poorly and he wasn't old, so why did he die?'  which I ccouldn't answer and even now makes me cry xxx

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]