kimbobt84-BensMummy
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My Little Man Ben 10/05/07-04/06/07
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« on: June 03, 2009, 12:26:13 PM » |
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My friend is a really great friend, understands my depression from having suffered depresion herself.
Our daughters are best friends. I actually met her at school, and she lives just on the next street, so we meet regularly.
Anyway, last week she was asking how i was etc, and i was just telling her about my worries over Ashleigh. I'd been talking with my councillor, and i've recently realised that when i said it wa fortunate my children were so young when Ben passed as they wouldn't grieve as much, that i was wrong. Basically now they are realising what they really have lost their grief will be stronger.
My friend talked about how big a part of our lives Ben is. She knows i love and miss him and am never gonna forget him etc and was by no means being nsensitive, but she asked an honest question, could i make my children's grief less by ben not being as big a part of our lives as he is
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my precious Elliott
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« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2009, 08:49:06 PM » |
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Oh babe why is life so hard, I have two little children one (6) born before Elliott and one (2) after, Elliott is a big part of our lives and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way I've always felt sad that at a very young age my children knew about death and dying, I said this to my GP who said to me that through Elliott my children will be more compassionate and I think he's right . I'm not sure your children's grief would be less, rather I feel that they may not be able to be so open with their feelings and that isn't particularly healthy and would you be able to cope with Ben not being as big a part of your life? would your grief be less I dont think so! It is difficult knowing what is the best way to deal with our children and it is a natural instinct to want to protect them from things that are going to upset them and make them sad but sometimes this cant be avoided and will give you a special relationship with your children who through your pain and grief for Ben will realise just how special and important THEY are to you and how very much you love them and really I guess thats what my GP was saying.
You are a great mommy, please dont lose sight of that.
Love Hayley xxxx
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Before you were conceived we wanted you, Before you were born we loved you When you were an hour old we would die for you The bond we have is everlasting. We love and miss you so much our beautiful angel xxxxxx Spread your wings and fly free my beautiful little butterfly You are not allowed to view images. Please register or login |
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Bretts mummy Emma
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« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2009, 10:18:17 PM » |
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Kim I have often thought the same but always came back with the same conclusion.... if I hid Brett away from them and din't make him a part of our everyday lives then they would hide their feelings and think that grieving and talking about lost loved ones is wrong. Which in turn is unhealthy as Hayley has said. My boys aren't allowed to talk about Brett at their Dad's and this upsets them tremendously so I overcompensate by talking about Brett alot.  |
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kimbobt84-BensMummy
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My Little Man Ben 10/05/07-04/06/07
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« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2009, 10:23:53 PM » |
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I decided from the start that Ben was going to be a huge part of our life, just the same as any other family member, and i think people who havn't lost a child may, in their own right, with the naivity we had before our angels, that we are making harder for our kids by having our angels such s huge part of our lives, but, life isn't that black and white. Thankyou for sharing my pondering x
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kimbobt84-BensMummy
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My Little Man Ben 10/05/07-04/06/07
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« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2009, 09:01:43 AM » |
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thats the naivity of people who havn't suffered a loss-that we can just turn off our feelings, but if i bottled them even more than i already do i'd be in a mess and possibly not as good a mum x
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pauline-davids mummy
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« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2009, 09:15:54 AM » |
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kim i like to think david is a huge part of my familys life , i have pictures of david around the house and when millie starts asking questions i wll tell her all about him , the 2 older girls know who he is and jenny (7) talks about him alot more than becky (12) does and i find it comforting that the recognise him as their brother and he is not forgotten
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kimbobt84-BensMummy
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My Little Man Ben 10/05/07-04/06/07
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« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2009, 09:33:12 AM » |
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Lucy was only 12mths when Ben passed away, now, at 3yrs old she knows she's got a brother who died, who she recognises from pictures. Obviously her understanding is very basic, but i'm really proud of the things she knows and says. Holly, well, she sys 'BYE BEN' everytime we go to his garden and recognises him from pictures but i think thats all she has about Ben, for now. Everytime i put pictures up of my children i put Ben up, as it would just be wrog to me if i had the 3 girls and no Ben, that reflects my life rea;lly x
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