not sure where to post this( lc talked about)

[babybiggles]

 

ladies please forgive me if his is the wrong board, but i am beside myself yesterday i went for a councelling session with regards to

bens birth and everything that happened the councillor was lovely but you guessed it i am only allowed 6 sessions and thats it so i

am down that i still have no where to turn to to get the anger and dispair out as every day i am getting angrier and angrier and feel so

helpless and lost and depressed with things, after wards i had to go and see the heart consultant with regards to bens hole in the heart

and i feel like i am going full circle now ben had a heart scan 3 days after he was born and when i was pregnant i had to go to ormand

street to be scaned everything was ok but at bens 6 week check they picked up an atrium septum defect a small hole in the heart due to

bens prematurity which they said dont worry its nothing serious they can sometimes close and if not we can close it its very routine now

days( yes maybe but when you lost your first baby to heart disease no its not) yesterday i had another heart scan and bens hole has not

closed and because he is getting blood flow where he shouldnt be getting blood flow his right side of his heart is slightly bigger to

compensate for that which has changed in the last three months so its different but i was told not to worry come back in 6 months and we

will decide whether we need to close it. i then asked where? the procedure is done at great ormand street and they need to decide

whether its going to be the strait forward procedure of cafeter up in the leg in and out in two days but also they are not ruling out

ben might have to have the full operation which would be a 9 day stay at gosh the precedure also could be done by the two surgeons we

met when we were diagnosed with connall i feel like i am going around in full circle i am to terrified to even contemplate all of this

which will be decided in febuary i cant loose ben i dont care if its a procedural operation i am to terrified to even think about having

to walk down to an operating theatre and watch my baby go under an anethetic. and every time a crisis happens or i get stressed

everything always goes back to the beggining and the guilt i cant come to terms with over my breakdown if anything happened to ben i

would never forgive myself for the monster i was and became for a sort while even though i was very ill and not myself. i just feel so

scared and to top it all off i am having gyneacological problems and ihave been having worrying symtoms and had to have a smear test  i

am just so frightened its something serious as my nan had cervical cancer and i have had bleeding constantly since febuary in between cycles and lots of bloating and tummy pain . sorry bad couple of days

lisa

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

 

Im sure you must be very worried about Ben, I cant imagine how frightening it must be.

I know Connal will be looking out for his little brother every step of the way.

No medical procedure will ever seem 'routine' to any of us where our children are concerned. We have experienced first hand just how cruel life can be and we will always fear the worst but it sounds like Ben is being closely monitered and hopefully the simple procedure will be enough to fix the problem. Keep us updated

 

[Bretts mummy Emma]

Lisa you really are going thru it hunni

I hope that the procedure sorts Ben's problem out

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Lisa your feelings are what i'm sure anyone would feel!!
The doctors don't understand how it is to be a mummy to an angel-try not to take it personally-you wouldn't want them to understand but maybe just mention your fears for future converstions so they know you arnt overreacting etc.
Just keep writing it all down here and i hope it helps rather than having it all swimming around in your head.
It must be frustrating about the councelling but try to get as much as you can, for now, from the sessions you do have.
It never rains it pours regarding your medical problems-but at least your getting them sorted, yes with family history you are bound to worry it's bad but hun you've been through so much that your body is bound to be all over the place-which affects periods and also your body can take two years to recover from having a baby.
Ben has a very special big brother watching over him-keep us updated. TRY not to worry-enjoy him! Make up for the bad times with good times x x x

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]