Christmas day

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

Just want a little advice from you all.

I have no problem taking Josh and Amy-May to Jakes grave. Josh even calls it 'Jakes house' now  But I'm wondering if any of you take your children to the cemetary on Christmas Day? I'm worried that watching me getting upset will ruin what should be the most special day of the year for them. Will they grow up associating Christmas day with visiting Jakes grave and mummy being sad 

We all go round to my mum's on Christmas morning and I'm thinking should I leave them there to play with their presents while me and Craig go to give Jake his presents? But I dont want Jake to feel he isnt including in the family and I REALLY don't want Josh and Amy-May to think Jakes grave is somewhere scary or bad that me and daddy 'sneak off' to without them.

I just dont know what's right. None if this is really right because they should all with me on Christmas morning and I shouldnt have to make this desicion.

My parents always went out of their way to make Christmas special for us and I want to do the same for my children. I'm scared of ruining it for everyone 

[Bretts mummy Emma]

Mel I would do what YOU feel is the best thing for your family, I understand what you say about xmas day being the most special day of the year for Josh and Amy-May, but you are not spoiling their xmas by being sad for a little while because their brother isn't there with them to share it. They will grow to understand how important Jake is and how important it is to you and Craig to include Jake in the magic that is Christmas. I know in an ideal world Jake would be with you and you wouldn't have to visit the cemetry and that Josh and Amy-May wouldn't have to 'get used to the fact that Jake was gone' but unfortunateky this is how life has turned out for you  Josh and Amy-May will simply accept it as part of their life because they don't know any different, Jake will always be a part of their lives just not in the way we all wish he was for you

Do what you and Craig want to on Christmas Day hunni Jake, Josh and Amy-May are all your children

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

aw mel hun, like emma said-do what feels right for you and your family, it's a personal choice and i'll just share my person view. It's not right that their brother, your son isn't here and that you have to visit his grave-but that applies all year round. Josh and amy-may are young-so you have that to consider for memory wise, weather even! I will be taking the girls up to ben's garden, to me it's part of christmas day. If i get upset i will just be honest with the girls and tell them it is because i'm sad, miss ben and wish he was here-but for the rest of the day i'll wear my happy mask for them. This year, weather permitting, we have got them all bikes so they can ride upto the cemetry. Mel, do what you feel is right-what you do this year will not set the mark for future years. With them being young this year you might leave them in the warm happily playing-i'm sure they won't think your sneaking off-take each year as it comes. Take care mel x

[ConniesMammy.]

Mel youve written down what i have been thinking so thankyou for giving me advice too,i will take my children cos i need for Connie to be included this year. mel for you

[marie Ethan's mum]

Mel
do what you feel most confortable with, I see Ethan's garden ( what my kids call his grave) as a place i can break down , but on xmas day last year it felt nice to include him in xmas as he is always going to be a big part of our lives so why not let visiting him be part of xmas .

I went down on my own the day before and made sure everything was ok and tidy as it always upset me if it's messy the kids all take turn to water flowers and they all talk to him as they do , to most people it must be weird to see but to us it's our normal now , I will flag up the pic of the kids on xmas day at ethan's garden last year to prove to you even when your sad , your kids will help you to smile
this picture is so special it has even become part of my xmas cards this year xxx

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]