feeling like a bad mum..cant put it any other way

[liz holdsworth]

This is going to sound all wrong...completely so i hope you all understand, im literally writing as it comes to my head.
I love Ollie, Eli and Jesse all the same, equally. But since we lost Jesse and then fell pregnant with Eli after so long of trying i feel like ive got more patience with Eli than i have Ollie. Don't get me wrong, Ollie is a mummy's boy and i love it but for some reason i worry more about Eli. Im not explaining it right, its like Eli is that tiny bit more precious to me. After what we went through with Jesse and then ttc for so long its like he's my little miracle baby, my gift from his big brother. I feel like such a bad mum, Ollie gets so much attention from me because of it, i feel like im failing him. I love them all the same, but i cant get over the nagging feeling that Eli shouldnt be here, it should be Jesse It never shows how i feel and i suppose if you were looking in from the outside it would look like Ollie is more special to me. Sorry im rambling. For those who have had a child then lost one then gone on to have another child, how did you cope? xxxxx

[Laura~Tyler&Taylor'sMommy]

I have a 7 year old daughter who I love unconditionally.

However before I had my 7 month old daughter, I suffered the heartache of losing both of my sons.

As much as I love Chlo?? (my eldest), I absolutely idolise Katie (my youngest).

Like your son, Katie's my little miracle who made me smile again after so much heartache.

I've also wondered whether if my boys had survived, I would have had Katie or not too.

Thinking of you Liz, there's simply no right or wrong way to feel 

[suzanne]

  i totally understand what you mean. i had 3 children,then caitlin whom was stillborn and 2yrs later i had my youngest daughter who is now 4. i always look on my youngest as my little miracle (even though i know they are all miracles). she definitely gets away with things more than the others etc,cos i hate shouting at her as i feel so lucky to have her here. we both love all our children the same liz but we are both so grateful to have been blessed with a child after the loss of our angels. there is such a mixture of emotions when a child is born after a loss. i think before caitlin died i just expected pregnancy etc to be plain sailing but after losing her i worry more because i now know what could go wrong. dont beat yourself up about your feelings. i have no doubt that you have the same affection for all your children.  

[liz holdsworth]

Thankyou for your replies means alot to me to know im not the only one feeling like this. xxxx

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]

 

[Bretts mummy Emma]

I haven't had another baby after losing Brett to SIDS in 2003 hunni but I know that I do let my lc (2 boys) get away with a lot more than I ever did before Brett died. I don't think there is a right or wrong way hunni