Just abit sad...

[Angel Alicias Mum]

Hi Everyone,

Had a really nice day yesterday went to see some of my family in derby with my partner,
But it brought back so much and i was sat with my nana and shes rather old but shed kept a little
story of when Alicia was in hospital and the days after she passed away and i broke down...

I was in tears and couldn't stop crying and i made me see deep down am so so hurt..

I do my best not to think about anything to do with Alicia as it breaks me down i cry doesn't mater where i am i cry.


I went for an interview and the man asked me do you have any children and i froze i just couldn't say a word he asked me again and i was like errrr ermmm errrm.. no i don't, and again i went to the toilet once the interview was over and cried.

Times seem to be getting so much harder... Not easier as everyone seems to keep saying oh times heels all wounds sorry but i think thats rubbish..
Cause right now i feel like someones putting salt in my wounds..

Tomorrow would have been Alicia's due date and am struggling to get my head around it, i just keep saying should have been like this n that..

Its hurts so much....

Am just now asking when will it get any easier.......... i need an answer.......


 

[Olliemam+1]

Hi Shanice

All I can say that for me it has not got easier I just cope better don't really know how to explain it to you I wish I could.  You are Alicias Mam an always will be no one can take that way from you.  Things are still so so raw.  Senidng you all my love.

Dawn xxxxx. 

[Angel Alicias Mum]

Hi dawn,

Thankyou and i know what you mean but it just hurts so much i cant stop crying and crying am sat here in tears n tears as its just so hard....
i know she will always be my baby but i just want her here want her back, and i know it will never happen so in the meantime all i do is be in pain ive tryed so hard not to think about it and noww i feel liek i cant hide my pain anymore mothers day sunday and alicias due date 2mro things should have been so diffrent i dont know what to do with myseld am hurting so much..

[Olliemam+1]

Bless you Shanice, I wish I could take your pain away I truly do.  We will be here for you and try our best to help you.

Dawn xxxxx. 

[Angel Alicias Mum]

Thankyou Dawn...
I dont why i have got like this all of a sudden but am just greatful i have here to come to when i have times like this...

Shanice xxx

[ConniesMammy.]

Oh hunni give yourself time,im still finding it (alien if you like) to say i have 3 children but im making my self do it because i dont want to forget Connie exsisted, you will do the same too when you feel stronger you sound just like i did in the first few months and the answer to your question is who knows hun it is different for everyone. The one thing you mustnt do though is try and hold it all in cos its what i did and now its all coming to the surface at once, i have a lot to deal with at the moment and its painful so let yourself grieve and think about Alicia as often as you want because even though shes not here she will always and forever be in your heart and your little girl.   I hope things get better soon.

[karyn07]

sending  to you I hope and pray that the coming days are gentle for you don't be so hard on yourself Kx

[mum2evan+dyfan]

be gentle on yourself.  you have so much going on Alicia's due date, mothers day and the little brother or sister for Alicia you are carrying.
i too have days where all i do is cry and cry.  sometimes we just need to let it all out.

Kathxxx

[Angel Alicias Mum]

Thankyou Conniesmammy (sorry not sure of your name), Thankyou K and Thankyou Kath... xxxx

I really feel like Ive done the same thing Ive hid how i feel and now today its just all coming out,
everyones answer is counselling but i just don't want to do it something inside me doesn't feel like the woman or man
giving me advice will even have a single clue what am going through or how i feel...

It may sound weird but i feel as if i have a hole inside me which is gettin bigger n bigger i go into shops see angel things and cry i don't know how to handle it at all...

Even carrying Alicia's Brother or sister is starting to worry me more and more as i very much blame myself for Alicia coming prem last time as i feel i should have been able to go 9 months as any other mother would do and i didn't and now i have a fear i became pregnant far to fast like it was just something i did to heel my pain and try start again am so unsure about myself right now...

[ConniesMammy.]

Awwww hun it wasnt your fault you never let Alicia down i know youll hate it but i gotta say its true these things happen and i so wish with all my heart for you and everyone here that they didnt.Life is a very cruel and unkind place and we are at its lowest point the only place to go is up.If you did go to specialist counselling they will have someone there who does know how you feel and when you tell them things they can sympathise as a parent rather than just someone loking from the outside in.Your doing brilliantly coping with your grief, Alicias due date ,mothers day, and being pregnant a lot of people couldnt do it so all i can say is be easy on yourself and if you feel like crying cry whos goona tell you not too? Here if you need to talk and my name is claire ok.

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]