Advice on counceling? (current child mentioned)

[samijayne]

I was adviced by my Dr to get counceling through the mental health team after Sophies death. But I found they weren't very good. I really felt like I was crazy, that I wasnt normal. Then after going to sands etc, I finally met a lady (who runs sands) who understood completely. So I finally realised what I was feeling WAS normal. So I refuse to use the mential health team again.

One of the sure start family workers, recomended Cruse Bereavement... Has anyone used it? Is it any good? They should be ringing me tomorrow to see if we're suited for each other. But I'm really nervous.

How will counceling help at all? I don't see how talking about how I miss Sophie, will make it all better? But I don't want to be on anti depressents forever.  I need to get my head straight for my son!

[mum2evan+dyfan]

i've never used cruse sorry.
i did have counselling when i was in hospital with dyfan and found that it helped me as i felt able to talk about him and dyfan without worrying about upsetting her as i did whenever i talked to family and friends.
i've not had counselling since dyfan died but am considering it recently as i'm not coping too well.

Kathxxx

[samijayne]

I can understand that completely. It's the same with me. I feel terrible over it. My partner even asked me if him and Ben (our son) weren't enough to make me happy. Just broke my heart. I don't understand how he doesn't understand why I feel down. I may have a great partner, and a beautiful little boy. But we're still missing our little Sophie =( I'll always wonder what she'd be like now.

Is it the same for you? Do you wonder what they'd be like now?

[ConniesMammy.]

Im sure the reason why our men dont understand is because our bond goes so much deeper we carried these children for however long term we each did and the bond starts from the day we find out, they will never understand it.I hope your counselling is a sucess and that you can start getting things back together again good luck with it all and let us know how you get on.

[Adams Mum]

I have no experience of Cruise but I'd say its probably worth trying it out.

What I'm about to say next is just my personal opinion, but I do feel that many mental health teams dont often have much training or any experience in grief.  How ever we angel parents behave after our children die, most of us are grieving and not mentally ill.  Its all very well them learning about the steps we're supposed to take after losing someone - the grief, the anger, acceptance and all that but without experience - it can come across as preaching or even condescending!

I agree with Kath, sometimes its easier to talk to someone outside of the family/friends so you can say whatever you want to talk about without fear of upsetting that person even more.

And its true we bond from the day we realise theres life inside us.  A lot of men dont really understand how powerful that bond can be.

 

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

I have not had any sort of councelling, But I have heard some good things about cruse, although mainly from people who have lost parents or partners rather than babies and children. I'm sure it would be worth trying though