halo786zara
Jr. Member
 Offline
Posts: 8
|
 |
« on: June 03, 2010, 11:35:22 PM » |
|
Hello Everyone
My Name is Halima and on May 13, 2010 I had an appointment for a 4d Ultrasound so I can see my baby girl Zara Eva Husseini...... we had tried on April 24, 2010 bu she was covering her face with her feet that lil punk of mine...so we had to reschedule....on may 13, 2010 I was a work (I work at a Dr's office) I had a coworker do a ultrasound so i can see if it was worth going to the appointment.... my coworker was confused because she couldn't find a heart beat I dint know what to do at that point my much more experienced coworker came in and he couldn't find a heart beat either.... he said maybe because she has her back towards me ...... i got a bad feeling i went straight to the phone and called my midwife she said to have a full meal monitor the movement and call her back ........ i hung up the phone went to the bathroom i knew something was wrong.... so started talking to my Zara baby i begged her to move i begged her to kick me but nothing...... i went to my manager and told her I'm going to my doctors i went to my doctors and they told me to go to labor and delivery ... from there i went to my husbands job didn't even say hi to his coworkers i pulled my husband aside and at this point i was literally shaking and told him that the doctor want me to go to labor and delivery at hospital because they cant find my Zara's heartbeat .............. my husband walked out and we went to the hospital..........................................
We arrived at hospital the put the Doppler on and the nice lady really tried but couldn't find the heartbeat at this point the Dr comes and she told us so quickly and soo emotionless that "there is no heart beat the baby is dead" three other doctors came in and they said he samething my whole world came crashing down.......my husband was fighting back saying "what do you mean there isn't a heartbeat you cant do this to us we have big plans for her"...... i was done at that point i wished death from god ......................
I was put in a room where they induced my labor i went through soo much pain only to go through more pain when i held my daughter who was born on may 13 at 4:03 for the first time in my life i felt something i cant even describe it was probably every emotion combined...... i held her kissed her told her i loved her and closed my eyes and just prayed for some crazy miracle to take place and bring my baby back .....that didn't happen she was SO tiny she looked like a little doll with alto of wavy hair which I'm sure was going to be curly because her daddy has curly hair she even had eyebrows and eyelashes she looked like a doll sleeping i can never forget her everytime i close my eyes i see her ......... i was holding her and then y om put her back in her little stroll away bed i told my husband go hold her .........he went around my bed to her little bed he picked her up broke down and started crying.... this whole time he gave me such good support by being strong and holding my hand and i just laid in bed helpless and watched my husband holding and hugging my daughter crying he kissed every part of her he kissed her so much my mom told him to stop and he said please Let me kiss her as much as i want cause I'm not gonna be able to kiss her anymore...... my husband is 23 and I'm 22 years old this was our first born and i think that no parent should ever go through this pain it is unbearable pain it hurts soo bad that your throat starts hurting...................but everything takes time and everyday that passes by makes me a day closer to my baby Zara Eva Husseini....................
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TotalEclipse - Bianca
|
|
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2010, 07:40:05 AM » |
|
A sad but warm welcome to OFB. so sorry to hear of the loss of little Zara.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
mel - jakesangelmummy
|
|
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2010, 08:28:59 AM » |
|
 to OFB So sorry you have had to find us here, I hope we can offer you some comfort and support. Looking forward to hearing more about Zara 
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Olliemam+1
My Precious Angel
OFB Support Team
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 9277
xxxxx.
|
|
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2010, 09:29:17 AM » |
|
A sad but very warm welcome to OFB Halima, I am so so sorry that your precious Zara could not stay with you and her Daddy. I am sure you will find the love, comfort and support here that I have. Take care Dawn xxxxx. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Belles Mummy
|
|
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2010, 11:22:33 AM » |
|
Im sorry little Zara could not stay, I hope you find the support and comfort that I have from this site, I look forward to hearing more about you and Zara |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
mum2evan+dyfan
|
|
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2010, 06:36:41 PM » |
|
you have told your and Zara's story beautifully.
i am so sorry that i had to read it here.
look forward to getting to know you better.
Kathxxx
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marie~elises mummy
|
|
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2010, 02:58:46 PM » |
|
so sorry, welcome to ofb  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
halo786zara
Jr. Member
Offline
Posts: 8
|
|
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2010, 03:52:02 AM » |
|
thank you alll.... Suzanne my heart is not only broken but a part of it is missing..... gone until the day i reunite with my baby girl ...... and i try but not a day goes by where i dont think about her i wish i couldve have see her with her eyes open so that she could see her mommy.... I went to her grave site this past thursday i was there for about 3 hours everytime i walked away i turned around and went right back to her... im gonna go on on my 40th the 40th day in our culture is a big day and since i never got the chance to fix and decorate her bed im gonna decorate her grave ill mkae is beautiful for my princess ....... i wish somehow i can see her....... everyone around me thinks im very strong they dont even know the aching pain im going through the hardest of everything is just leaving the hospital empty handed and a aching heart i love her i miss her.... my family tells me ill get over it and forget her.... but ill never get over it and i will never forget my baby and if there was a way that i can have her back i would do naything and everything to have her raise her change her diaper breast fed her burp her make her laugh play peek a boo.......... i cant wait to be reunited with my bestfriend ...... its sooooooooooo freakin hard....
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Olliemam+1
My Precious Angel
OFB Support Team
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 9277
xxxxx.
|
|
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2010, 07:29:46 PM » |
|
Bless you, things are still so so raw and although time has passed since I lost my precious Angel I think each and everyday what would we all be doing now, what would they look like, I can tell you it does not get easier you just learn to cope (I hope that makes sense). I will never forget my Angel I do not think any parent who has had to endure the total an utter pain of losing their Child ever will, people who have never lost thier child will never know that total and constant pain (thankfully for them). We will be here anytime you need to talk about anything. Take care Dawn xxxxx. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Angel Alicias Mum
|
|
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2010, 02:01:32 AM » |
|
A Warm Welcome to OFB.. I think times like these are so so hard and you never get taught how to to manage them.. I have met such strong woman here and am slowly become one of these strong women myself.. .. It will never leave you the pain and hurt but only get eaiser over time When i read a story like this i really feel my heartbreaking another angel to leave earth just breaks my heart. I read what you said about you feeling like something is missing from your heart and i know that feeling a woman who loses a child is never the same woman again. Bless you.. Be strong as you can.. Loads of Love Shanice xx |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
©Our Forever Babies