struggling to be away from surviving twin

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Holly went back to school yesterday and i'm really struggling to be away from her. I don't know how much of this is normal, or due to her being a surviving twin. I've started having old feelings about finding it hard to believe shes ok, worrying she has a health condition-I'm turning into a neurotic mother! Holly only weighs 29lb at nearly 3 1/2yrs, she wakes up starving-part of me says (the sensible part) that its with her being so little, but the worrying part starts googling medical conditions right upto terminal ones. Holly can be a bit naughty, the sensible part knows because shes spoilt and rarely told off, the worrying part googles behavioural problems. I just cant accept holly is healthy, its like i want them to tell me something sooner than later so i can stop waiting for it to happen, and how awful is that because of course i never want anything to happen to her! Thats why i'm worrying when shes away, and i miss her. Sorry really needed to get this out x

[Belles Mummy]

I think its really understandable that you feel like this Kim, I was talking to another sma mum yesterday about something similar. I think we will always have feelings like this as we know how it feels to have lost someone so precious we always feel it could happen again and we look for things, My friend who now has a healthy baby says every morning she wakes she waits to hear Blossom move or make a sound because she really thinks that she will just never wake up!

I dnt believe this baby will be ok until I see them walk and even then ill probably doubt it, I hope that makes sence and I wish we didnt have to live our lives with feeling like this and having the worries we do.

Big hugs Kim xxxx

[Olliemam+1]

Kim

I can relate to what you say about worrying while you are not with your child for whatever reason   .  Oliver is not a surviving twin but I still think when he gets any cold or bug please please let him be OK, silly I know but I do believe that when you have lost a child or children you do worry more about your living children.  Oliver sleeps in his own bed now (for most of the night) I still check every 30 mins or so that he is breathing and OK.  Sorry I am beginning to ramble now  .  Have to add I can relate to not telling them off and spoiling them aswell.  Here anytime you need to chat.

You take care and be as gentle as you can on yourself.

Dawn xxxxx.  

[suzanne]

  bless you kim. what you are feeling is perfectly normal. katie-anne is 5 now and only weighs 31 lbs!! just remember that good things come in small packages.    she is also a little bit spoilt but so what. at least we are not being bad to them. i think we over compensate our l/c to make up for not having our angels with us iykwim? it is always going to be difficult and we will never stop worrying but that is what makes us mothers 

[mum2evan+dyfan]

well kim if having those thoughts makes you mad then i'm right there with you.
poor seren has a sensor pad in the night that beeps, and i worry right down to her not having a wet enough nappy.
today i'm worried that she's been a little sicky.
completely normal baby stuff i know but like you if i think hard enough i can turn it into something terminal.

Kathxxx

[marie~elises mummy]

 

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]

  big hugs babe xxx

[GillyF]

Kim,

I think that the health of a living child after losing another child would test even the most laid back of people. It's nigh on impossible to be completely relaxed about things you can't easily account for, and nobody who's suffered a loss would think it odd that you worry a lot about Holly. That she is a surviving twin is an extra difficulty, not just because you cling so much to what you have but because it is hard to get your head round having an apparently completely normal child and living with the loss of their twin. I find it very hard to reconcile the two, very hard.

One thing with having Holly now at school is that you have added pressure with health issues. If something is wrong, you worry about infecting other children, and you want the teachers to know you are a responsible parent. I had this yesterday; my little boy has developed a strange rash on his hands and they were itching, the TA commented on it, so I took him to the clinic after school and a nurse checked him out. That way, I could satisfy myself and the school that I'd done all I could (nurse couldn't explain it!) If you are ever really concerned, do the same, get a nurse/doc to give their opinion because remember that they don't have any problem with parents bringing children in. They'd far rather you sought their opinion than let something go, and if they know about your history the last thing they are going to do is blame you for being over-sensitive.

Take care.