williamsdaddy
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Posts: 8
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« on: March 30, 2011, 09:05:10 PM » |
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We were told pre-nataly that our son only had a 33% chance of survival, but without a shadow of a doubt we both agreed that we were to be blessed with a beautiful boy so we will give him a chance, even though our local hospital kept reccomending termination everytime we went to see them.
Not goign to happen so we marched on and had to travel a round trip of 200 miles every month from January to may when he was born for scans and to make sure he was developing properly. William was born by c-section 7th may 2008, he was born with hypoplastic right heart syndrome, pulmanry atresia, triscupid atresia and multiple ventricle disorders. The doctors and surgeons had never seen all those CHD's in one child before, right from the get go he was unique.
We were told all kinds of stuff that he would need surgery as soon as he was born, but this was not to be as somehow William's heart knew there was something wrong, so it grew tiny little tubes that supply blood to the lungs, called mapcas tubes, because he had no pulmanry tubes these kept him going until he was at least 2 months old.....the doctors has never seen this before and think that he is a miracle. I was way over the top protceting William, vetting everyone who touched him making sure they didnt have colds and any bugs, we had spirigel all over our houes and made sure that people used it upon entering our home.
We spent about a month in hospital before we were aloud home with William, and it was the best feeling ever. Going home with no surgery, but at some point we knew it was going to happen.
We did all we could with him, took him swimming, went to day trips and living in Plymouth we have so much to do around here we went everywhere, had lots of photos with him done and even thoug he was too young to know what was going on he never complained or whinged, it was almost like he knew he was not long for this world. We were back to Bristol in June due to William going into heart failure, he was ok but he needed surgery asap, they kept him in for 4 weeks before they could do surgery so that meant living in Ronald Mcdonald house and coming and going out the hospital in turns. Open heart surgery was performed in July and it went excellent, he had two plastic tubes put in his heart calle blalag talug shunts to act like pulmanry veins to send blood to his lungs.
He was in PICU for 3 weeks and he bounced back so well, we ewnt home again and all was fine up until september time when we noticed he wasnt right, he was breathing heavier and struggling to feed, a cardio-catheter scan was booked for october which showed Williams right tube was blocked and that the left was a ticking time bomb. Surgery had to be performed 5th novmber, this wasnt to happen as William contracted conjunctivitis so was called off for a week later 12th November.
It was my turn to take him down for surgery this time, i held him as they put him to sleep, and something told me that would be the last time i would see him alive. We all walked into the city centre for something to eat while he was asleep, about 50 minutes or so later we got a phonecall that we had to go back to the hospital as something had got terribly wrong. We waited for hours for Williams surgeon to come out to tell us what had happened, as they started the surgery the left tube blocked there and then on the table, they manipulated his heart and did chest compressions, after half an hour they got him back, but he had suffered severe brain damage....!
He came out of surgery at about midnight, i ran in to see him and i knew my world would fall apart. Fucking crazy if you ask me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really dont want to put mym memories down here, but for two weeks he tried to fight, the evening before i was the last one with him, i whispered in his ear "William daddy here, you have my permission to go to heaven, i know your tired, i know your hurting and i know you have no more fight, i am not giving up on you. I just want you to be prefect as god intended, it isnt here in this life. William you have my permission, and i love you" As i walked back to our accomodation, an hour later we got that phonecall, we went back down and they put him in our arms and he fell asleep. Did i do the right thing in tellign him he could go, i dont know, but that is something i will never forgive myself for!!!!! i hate who i am, i hate what i have become since he died.....
We bathed him, changed him and i stayed with him in the morning, everyone else went home but i couldnt. When William died, everything that i breathed, loved, thought of, looked at changed dramaticaly, i saw something physicaly leave my body when i nearly passed out when he died, i looked at it float away as if part of me gave up and died. I wish i had, then i woudlnt be here with painful memories and thoughts. This story is watered down somewhat but i really dont want to relive it too much....William i fucking you so much, so much it hurts and i the most umcfortable pair of shoes ever. They hurt everyday!!! xxxx i love you
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