LoGaNs MuMmY.. jUsT rEgEsTeRd!!

[vick]

fter a very bad fall down the stairs at 16weeks pregnant in september 11 my waters broke. i then went on to have a very difficult preganancy, constantly in and out ov halifax hospital and upto 3 times every week at huddersfield hospital for check ups scans and blood tests and visiting the speciallist, i was told if my son did survive he would have very bad lung problems.. due to been squashed in my womb with no water for prolonged time. we was hopefull at times and every week was a bonus cos we was fearing the worsed. the tare in my waters got worse and i was constantly leakin. then on december 23rd i was told to quit my job and rest i was in hospital with very bad bleeding. it stopped and started constant, also lost big clots. i was addmitted again ilost that much blood my body thought it was in labour i had contractions.. it settled down and then everything was ok for a while then i went back in at 7.30am on 24th of feb thinking the same was happening again at 8.10am i actuually gave birth to my baby boy logan. at 29 weeks and 5 days into my pregnancy. i was in shock but totally prepared for a premature baby.. yet i was not prepared for what happened!! after giving birth i heared my baby cry for the first time yet in my pregnancy i was told he would not cry because his lungs would not be strong enough but he proved them rong and cryed.. was like he was saying hello!! then they let me see him before taking him to the special baby care unit. they came to my room and told me it wasnt looking good so me and his daddy went to see him it was so hard just seeing him fighting for his life, they had doubled up on all medication to save him but it wasnt working, he was unable to breath on his own, at 1;30pm they took him off the life support machine and we had time to hold our son and he eventually died in my arms after 6 hours old... am so gratfull we had an hour and half with him alive. in our arms.
we was told he died because he struggled to breath on his own and had suffered brain damage due to lack off oxygen.. and premiture rupture of the membrains. on feb 4th was his funeral, it was the sadest day of my whole life.
he was so beautifull i miss him so much i wish i could have my baby hear in my arms were he belongs but i know he is at peace now and no longer suffering. and thats what keeps me strong knowing if he was alive he wouldnt be spending the rest of his life suffering.. hes at rest..
i love and miss you so much logan bates ill never stop thinkin about you u are always in my heart.. love you forever from mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxx we miss you so much pumpkin love yo more than words could ever say. from mummy,daddy brothers and sisters grandmas grandads aunts and uncles and cousins and freinds xxxxxxx gone but never 4gotten lil angel. sleep tight babes xxxxxxxx love you more than words can ever say.. i dream ov you every day and pray your in a better place than we are xxxxxxxxxx javascript:void(0);
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[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Hi Vick,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious son Logan. He's clearly so loved and missed.

What an horrendous time you've had-Logan sounds a real fighter, what a brave boy fighting to give you those precious hours together.

My names Kim, i lost my son Ben in May 2007, if you need anything just ask-everyone on here is so helpful and sadly truly understand what it's like to lose a child. I am so sorry you've had to find your way here but now you have I am sure you will find the same amazing love, support, friendship and comfort as i have using this site.

Take care,

Kim x 

[vick]

 thanx kim i really appriciate your kind words, im glad i have found  this support site . i hope it helps because i feel quite alone right now evern tho i have people around me. i find it hard to control my emotions, i feel like i am trying too hard to be strong for other people, i have to b strong to my other child who is 3 and my  boyfreind who as lost a baby at full term in a previous relationship... its so hard trying to stay strong all the time when greif is beating me up inside!! and i darent talk about it with him because i dont want to upset him as he deals with greif in a different way...

i am so sorry for your loss i really am i hope you are ok and coping as good as u can be.. you never know what to say to people in these predicuments.   xxxxxjavascript:void(0);

[williamsdaddy]

Who know why this happens, some will say it's god will and others will say that our babies are too good for this world, or that god wanted them back...i no longer accept this and think its up to us individualy to come to terms with and conclude a reason!!!
in reality we will never know until its our time, i believe that my son is waiting for me as is yours waiting for you!
were all here for you, dont be afraid to ask for anything at any time, we all are in the same sad boat!

[Belles Mummy]

I'm so sorry to read about Logan, I lost my little girl Belle at nearly 7 months old, we all understand how you feel and are here to listen and talk anytime xxx

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

 I felt just like you, very alone although i was surrounded by people telling me they were there for me-but they didn't understand, they'd well up or cry/look uncomfortable if i talked about Ben, so being able to talk on here helped so much. I worried people would question my sanity if i told them how i was feeling and the things i was thinking-but on here people assured me i was normal!! It then got to a stage where i felt i couldn't talk about him at all as they would expect me to be 'over it' as time went on.

 We all grieve differently though, which can be hard in relationships. I'm sorry to hear your partner has lost another child too. Just be there for each other and understand you will both grieve differently.

Never feel you have to stay strong-it will just build up inside you and could erupt unexpectedly x