Hi all,
I'm not feeling to great just now and thought I'd talk it through. What started as a good today seriously fell off track by mid morning when I poped into the doctors to pick up a repeat prescription which for some reason had be taken off my normal list so the lady at reception asked if I could come back in an hour to see the nurse practioner.
My sis and I went for a coffee and we returned the Dr's is only a small converted house and it was half full with babies & toddlers of all the days I could of had to go in there but I thought ok I can do this so took my seat and waited there was a midwife and a health visitor both running clinics and within about 10 mins the practice was fully packed My eyes struggled to look at just one thing like a poster unrelated before they wondered off on a tour of all these beautiful babies and there happy parents in every direction was a pram or a buggy, every gurgle and cry my ears clocked onto I wanted to run out but couldnt move. The health visitor came into the waiting room and spoke to the parents and cooed as she admired the little ones.
25 mins later the nurse called me in she had been running late I told her what I was there for and there seemed to be a problem with my notes on the computer they are scaned hand written copies of the paper notes and she was struggling to read the handwriting. Because of the type of medication I needed she asked me how I was feeling saying I looked really down so I told I was fine I just found the waiting area difficult to sit in today because of it being the baby clinic day and it was just very sad and a painful reminder of my own loss. she asked me when my baby passed away and I explained in 2003 and 2004 Oh she said looking surprized by what I'd said and next thing I knew she started banging on about needing to see the doctor for a review and how 7 years post loss is a long time to still be affected to such a degree she presumed the medication I needed which happened to be antidepressants had been given to me because of my loss when in fact the amitriptyline I'm on is part of my pain management plan for a chornic pain condition which helps my perception of my pain make it not feel as bad as it can be ( not saying that there is anything wrong with needing anti-D's to help you along for other reasons which I too have benefited from in the past)
finally I got out of the practice and came home feeling totally drained and as if I'd been emotionally battered. empty arms is very hard for me and missing Tobias & Tanesha totally breaks my heart.
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