reunited

[Susan - Tobias & Tanesha's Mummy]

My mum has come to stay and she told me before coming up that she had found a bag which had the clothes and blanket that Tobias grew his wings in. I have got other special items of Tobias's clothing but never felt able to open this hospital bag so I kept it at my mum's. I asked her if she could bring the bag up and tonight I opened it. Its so emotional the last time I saw these things they were on my baby boy in my arms. I smelt them and I can smell my little man, they are so tiny. It was scary and painful but comforting too. I'm glad I have found myself ready and able to open the bag and now Tobias's clothes can join his other special items in his memory box.


My mum also brought Tanesha's registration certificate it says a) prematurity + footling breech head suck  c) Chorioamnitis. I don't know what "Chorioamnitis" means? I knew Tanesha passed away for the first two causes and the neck trauma but I hadn't taken in the latter. I guess I was just too in shock to read the paper work in length at the time. I want to look "Choriomnitis" up but I feel scared to because I dont want to think of my baby suffering more than she did. I dont know? my little princess 

   

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Oh goodness Susan what alot to take in.....

Firstly how brave of you to be able to take the step with Tobias's hospital bag 

I suppose both things you talk about are linked in a way, you know that certain things we have to do in our own time, when we feel we are ready to do them. Take your time over looking into what was on Tanesha's certificate, just like with Tobias's clothes you know you'll do it one day but make sure you are ready as it's clearly been quite a shock to you. Maybe make a doctor's appointment to discuss it in detail?

We will all be here for you to support you along the way 

Susan i hope you do not think i am talking out of line here but i just want to say to other members that may know about Choriomnitis (i do not by the way) to not mention in detail but just to let Susan know you know about it until Susan is ready to look into it.

Take care Susan x 

[Susan - Tobias & Tanesha's Mummy]

Thanks Kim  I thought your suggestion to other members was really thoughtful. So many things that relate to Tobias & Tanesha seemed to be linked in many ways I've found over the years. My Nan used to say when kelly (sis) and I were small children "where there is one gaurentee there will be the other!" I can really imagine Tobias & Tanesha being like this too high above the clouds.
I agree certain things we have to do in our own time. I was shocked to read Tanesha's cerificate contained imformation I wasn't expecting to see and didnt understand, I'm seeing my GP this afternoon I'm going to ask some questions and she if she can help me understand more. I don't feel able to contact the hospital where Tanesha was born - years on I'm still very angry over the way my baby was treated. I have looked online, I felt I needed to.

This is what I found;  Chorioamnionitis is a potentially serious condition. Chorioamnionitis is an inflammation of the fetal membranes (amnion and chorion) due to a bacterial infection. It typically results from bacteria ascending into the uterus from the vagina and is most often associated with prolonged labour. Risk of developing chorioamnionitis increases with each vaginal exam during final month of pregnancy and during labor. Chorioamnionitis is a risk factor for periventricular leukomalacia and cerebral palsy. Treatment consists of: antibiotics (amoxicillin + gentamicin + metronidazole) for the mother, and quickly delivering the baby.

my thoughts,
I knew I had developed a servere infection during my 7 day labour after my waters broke so in that aspect of finding out about "Chorioamnionitis" to me it explains the name of the infection. what I have also discovered is often chorioamnionitis develops if there is MRSA or group b strep is present, Did I have this? I did have MRSA during my 1st pg in 1998 when I contracted chickenpox @ 16 weeks that was treated and I was told it had cleared up any surly would have been detected? what is  periventricular leukomalacia? and where it says chorioamnionitis is a risk factor for periventricular leukomalacia and cerebral palsy does that mean if you have either of these then you are at more risk of getting this infection or is it suggesting the baby may be at risk of having these conditions/illness if this infection develops? did the examinations lead to the infection? is this the same infection I had when in prem labour with Tobias even tho his cause of passing was NEC? had Tanesha of been delivered quickly would the outcome of been different for her?

so many questions I have in my mind and I know they are questions that I need to be asking the doctors, it helps sharing my thoughts and I vaule having a place I can do so among friends. xx
(spell check wont work for me sorry about the mistakes)

[Olliemam+1]

Wishing you all the luck at the doctors and you are brave to ask your doctor the questions you need too xxxxx.  We are awlays here anytime, but you know that xxxxx.

Take care

Dawn 

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

"where there's one guarentee they'll be the other"-i like that! It's so fitting to your two, it's kind of what comes to mind when i think of Tobias and Tanesha, and even more special that it was what got said about you and your sister, passed through a generation.

 Google can be dangerous when looking into things but we all do it don't we!! My doctor ges mad with me haha
I remember being told everytime they found something with Ben "don't go home and google it"-yeah right.

 Do you have an understanding doctor? I hope you do because i think speaking with them about what you have found would be helpful. My doctor is fantastic, i can literally make an appointment just to go and chat about Ben's condition.

 So many questions, so much to take it-i really feel for you Susan, but we're all here for each other x