bonding with seren

[mum2evan+dyfan]

i don't really know how to say this without getting all mixed up...
i've always loved seren, but i don't know if i really bonded with her straight away.  since her first birthday i've felt differently towards her.  only really since xmas have i felt that overwhelming love.  the type where i could look at her all day and not get bored, where i feel physically sick at the thought of anything happening to her.  i can't remember feeling that way for her before then.
does this mean i didn't really bond with her?
i feel so bad.  she's never gone through the clingy baby stage and perhaps this is why, she never really felt attached to me?
how bad a mum does that make me?  i know it may be because after losing the boys i was afraid to lose her but that doesn't give me the right to not give her the love i have for her right from the start.
i'm really confused and thats why this post makes no sense sorry

Kathxxx

[Olliemam+1]

Kath

To me what you have said does make sense  You have been through so so much bfore your Seren arrived.  All I can say to you is that I am sure you bonded but were maybe hiding it until you felt "safe" (the only word I can think of to tey to write down what I am thinking)  in the knowledge that your little lady was here safely with you.  I hope what I am trying to day sound right, sorry if it does not.

You are a great mam to all your chidren.  Sending you all my love.

Dawn xxxxx. 

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]

  kath i also felt this its only since charlie was one i have felt a strong bond between us .. when charlie was born i was mad at people for being so happy that charlie was here and well , i wanted them to rember finlay , i always thought it was to good to be true that i would lose him , when he was first born i felt like i was being strangled when i left him for a while . i used to listen to his baby sleep mat beeping hopeing the alarm didnt go off , i say to dan i couldnt enjoy his baby days as i was so scared to love him incase i lost him if that makes sence ,so i know how you kind of feel .. i will feel guilty i missed out on a specail time in charlies life .. but i know now we only feel like this because we are scared to love incase we get hurt i lways say to dan it will be diffrent wen we have another little one as i will feel more at ease but deep down i no this wont be true x .. xx massive hugs babe x