The tears won't stop

[Bretts mummy Emma]

I am sat here in floods of tears listening to Brahms lullaby which was played as we walked into church the day said goodbye to Brett :-( I can't stop the tears and I can't bring myself to stop the song cos in a strange way thru my tears I feel closer to him listening to it. In just under 2 weeks I'll be back to 'that day' and all the what ifs and this time 8 years ago! I don't know if I've got the strength to drag myself thru all that again knowing that it isn't an achievement at the end. There are no trophies or prizes for surviving another anniversary no one will pat me on the back at the end of the day, all I will feel is utter desperation at not being able to hold him that deflation as we all know the lead up is much worse. I just want my beautiful chubby little boy back! What did I do to deserve him being given to me then snatched away before I had the chance to get to know him? Why allow me to carry him for 7 and a half months, go thru 9 days of slow labour and then a further 10 and half weeks of devotion to this tiny little being only for some divine being (if there is such a thing) to take him away!! Sorry I'm rambling now xx

[Belles Mummy]

I'm so sorry Emma, I wish Brett was here with his family and you didn't have to feel any of this, here for you and thinking of you in the run up to Bretts angel day xxx

[Susan - Tobias & Tanesha's Mummy]

     

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

 

Brett couldn't have asked for a better mummy, a mummy who will always love him who will always remember him and never ever forget him-a mummy who's love and devotion to him is so strong that it lasts a lifetime, even when he's no longer here. Emma, we will never know why nor be able to change things but i strongly believe that we were chosen to be mummies to babies who couldn't stay because it takes a special mummy to love a child who could not stay, to love beyond death.

Thinking of you and your family even more at this difficult time of year.

Your a survivor x

[suzanne]

  i wish your little man was here with you 

[Bretts mummy Emma]

Thanks girls I knew the one place where I wouldn't be made to feel daft for feeling like that was here. I felt much better this morning when I woke up a bit like the black cloud had lifted.

[Coists Mummy]

Oh Emma, I really wish ur little man was here with u today, as u say the what ifs and this time 8 years ago will remain with us forever, it just doesn't get any easier. I can relate so much to how ur feeling just now, this Friday it will be 8 years since I first met my beautiful little star Coist, 8 years since my life changed forever, I was now a mummy to the most perfect little boy I had ever seen, a. Feeling that I know.everyone of us can relate too. But it will also be 8 yrs on Friday from when my heart shattered into tiny pieces because I couldn't keep coist with me.
Life sucks hun, bit remember that people genuinely care and are here for u x x x

[angelheart]

Glad to hear you feel a lot better,and will be thinking about you over these coming weeks,it just reminds me of last year,it was coming up to our Joshua's 8TH anniversary,and it felt like he had been taken only days ago.Just shows your not alone here on this site,and you have somewhere to vent your pain,without feeling out of place.