It's almost Faith's 5 birthday (LC mentioned)

[Ang]

I can not believe that it's almost my little angels birthday and I just can not stop the tears from falling.   

All year I'm okay and now the day before her birthday, I wake up crying.  I feel like a dam that has sprung a leak.  All year I keep everything together and now it's like I've gone back 5 years.   The waiting, knowing that the doctors have told you your baby has died but hoping against hope that they are wrong and that your baby will be born alive.  Knowing that you are going to go through labour and wait to hear your baby cry and instead all you get is a deafening silence before the room is filled with your cries.

I've tried to tell myself that tomorrow I will be okay but my heart feels like it's breaking all over again.  I hate this day. I have no control over my emotions.

My children must think that I've really lost the plot.  It happens every year, even though I'm not consumed with that all engulfing grief, the sadness stays.  My heart aches and nothing can fix it because I am forever changed.  My beautiful little girl who became an angel before she took her first breath. 

I needed to try and get some of this sadness out, thanks for giving me a place to turn to in my hours of need.

 

       

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Awwwww Ang 

I wish i could find the words to ease some of your pain

The reliving is hard, it's painful but i try to think of it as feeling closer to my little man

"memories keep those who are not with us, close to us forever"

I've always been honest with my children and tell them around Ben's special times that i'm feeling a bit sad because i'm missing their brother, stops them worrying as much then.

Tomorrow may be somewhat gentler as many people find that the run up is often harder than the day it's self.

We're all here for you on here and will be remembering your beautiful little girl and all who love and miss her in the clouds and on her own special thread.

If you need to rant, cry, talk about anything we're here x