Christmas Time

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Well, it's that time of year again.

Well actually no-it's only November, but each year christmas seems to start earlier and earlier therefore i feel sadder so much sooner each year.

Christmas for me is still obviously lovely with having the girls, spending time with family, giving and recieving etc, but ever since losing Ben it's a time of year tinged with sadness, sadness and should have beens. My little man should be here with us 

So as each year 'christmas' is spoke about earlier and earlier i feel a bit, well crap, so just wanted to spare a thought for us all as i'm sure i'm not the only one.

Come December i'll start thinking about it, but before that it can bloody well sod off!

I hate how times of year can effect us so much 

[suzanne]

  i agree kim. i HATE christmas. i try to put a brave face on for the rest of the family but its so hard. 

[Belles Mummy]

This year is starting to feel strange for me, i dont really know how to feel! Im looking forward to christmas for the first time in 3 years as i know how exciting its going to be for Penny and im looking forward to seeing her face BUT i have this feeling of guilt, guilt because how can i even feel remotely excited about it when its when i lost the most precious little girl, its been so hard the last 2 years everything about xmas reminds me of the worst day of my life! The tree the decorations the music the food everything gives me that knot in my tummy!

Kim i wish things were so different for us, i wish Ben was here getting all the presents he deserves and i wish you didnt have to feel like this every year, i just dont know why it has to be this way for us butone thing im pretty sure of is that Belle Ben and all the other angels will be shining down on us and helping us through this xmas as they do every year xxx

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

I have been thinking of you alot actually Sally-anna, about how mixed your emotions must be 

I feel the guilt is due to all the bitter-sweetness of it all-i get it alot around the twins birthday. Next year Holly has already decided she is having a joint party with her best friend haha, but how strange that it should be a joint party with Ben

Guess we'll all do what we have become experts at-hiding behind smiles 


P.S. Little Penny-Pot is soooooooooo adorable and sooooooo much like beautiful Belle

[Belles Mummy]

Thanks Kimmy, we will get through it together im so glad i have OFB to come and talk about my Belle xxx