HOW STUPID AM I????

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

I swear, deep in my heart I thought the more kids I have the less I would hurt over jake,

Josh did ease my pain when he was tiny and couldnt 'do' anything but now with every new thing he learns, another little bit of me dies, just one more thing I will never in my lifetime see jake do any ,

As little jen comes closer and closer i'm getting more frightened, Im sure i will have all the same heartache with all her 'firsts' How much more can i actually take, Im a shell of the person I used to be and breaks my heart to think my kids might suffer for it,

I dont know if any of you have ever felt the same, Will my babies suffer??

 

[Paula_xox_]

Awww Mel     your such a strong person...yes it will hurt everytime Lil Jen does her firsts but think of Jake helping her and also helping Josh and guiding them.


I think of all of OFB as guardian angels...they watch over their mummy,daddy,brothers,sisters etc and help them

Dont get too sad but you know were i am if you need a chat

Love Paula xox

[josephsmom]

Mel,

Sweetie, you are feeling what I think we all have felt.  Here in the states 16 is a big year for kids and Joey just hit that this past Oct. and yes it hurt. As I watch Johnathan, who is 14, going to his first girl/boy parties, playing sports I feel the "this should have been Joey 2 years ago" feelings.  Your other children will not suffer.  They will be more compassionate and caring because of Jake.  

Sending you some big hugs hun!
 

xxx
Dyan

[suzanne]

   mel you are a fab mum.we all go through this after a loss.i often wonder which of the kids caitlin would take after.would she have good hair like cara or be artistic like helena,bad tempered like me.lol. kids dont suffer because we feel this way its just unfortunately one of the many things we have to face every day as angel mums

[Ashleigh]

awww hun im sorry but i don't really know what to say but lots of 

[olivias mummy]

awwww hun you are a great mum, i can tell that just from the fact you have posted this message. Jake is happy to have a brother and sister i know and i understand that you will always wonder about what jake would be doing/look like etc but like the others said it is a sad thing all us angel mums have to live with.
love cheryl xx 

[soph25]

Mel,

You are not and never will be a bad mummy. Your love for all your children shows when you talk about them on here.

I felt exactly the same as you about the more children I have the less pain I will feel - I knew that I would always miss Sophie and that she will never be replced but I thought some of the pain would go with another baby but like you it is so hard watching the firsts and thinking how we won't see our angels doing these things too.
I think that Josh and little Jen are going to be so proud of their Mummy for keeping their big brothers memory going and never  forgetting him. Jake weill be very proud of his Mummy for being strong enough to have a little brother and sister for him who he can watch play and learn.

I know I can't make things better for you but I'm here if you want to talk.

xxx

  for Jake