Using subsequent kids as a grieving tool...?

[LyndaWilson]

Thought I would throw this discussion into the melting pot for all to think over...

Do we (unintentionally or not) use any of our kids that we had after our loss as a grieving tool to some degree?

I hold my hands up for my part and know that I have a bond with my boy, Mackenzie, that I do not have with my daughters Chloe and Phoebe (Chloe was 17mths old when Elliott died and I had Phoebe some 20mths after he died, Mackenzie arrived when I remarried and had him in 2005).

Wonder if its because he's a lad, and I have lost two (having lost a boy also in 1992 at nearly 16wks but never got to see him).

I always find myself snuggling really up to him when I am cuddling him, stroking his hair, nuzzling him, smelling him and taking in his lovely skin scent, even to the point of madly snogging his head...

I may sound completely fookin nuts to some, but to me the really loving and close bond I have with my lad is something which I really really treasure.  I admit to spoiling him rotten and some people do comment to me that "he's a Mam's lad", but come to think of it, having had to bury two lads, who can blame me?

Anyone else ready to confess their attachment to their subsequent kiddywinks?

 

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

yep, ill admit to it,

Josh came along less than a year after Jakes death and i just smothered him with all the love that was meant for 2 babies,

i think its natural though, you appreciate your l/c so much more when you understand the pain of losing something so precious to you

 

[emmie's mammy]

i think what you posted here is a really good question, after we lost our girl i gave birth to a son just 11 months later, i drowend him with love and attention enough for 2 babies as i felt i finally had someone to give my angels love to! in 2005 i gave birth to another daughter, now my only daughter and although i love my boy to bits and still have a special bond with him my daughter gets more! i know this is wrong but having 3 boys and 1 daughter i feel closest to her! she reminds me so much of my angel and i spose when im being close to her and mollycodling her i feel close to my angel!! we tryed so hard to have a girl after our daughter died and when i had my son after i just thought i would never have another girl so mabe thats why!

but im confessing i think i maybe do use my daughter as a greiving tool, when shes with me all my heartache fades even if its only for a short time.

xxx

[suzanne]

i dont think i feel more for katie-anne than the others just because i had her after losing caitlin but i must confess she probably gets away with more. i feel really guilty if i scold her and just appreciate the fact that i have her here if that makes sense?

[Sarah - Connors mummy]

Since what happened with Connor i am not planning on having any more children. The whole situation has changed my life soo much but i think the only way i treat the kids any different is by appreciating them more. Connor was wanted very much and has just proved that u dont know what u got till its gone.

[angelmum]

I can honestly say i love all my children iqually, but with losing two boy's and my only living son having astma i can be abit more protective over Joshua witch i think is understandable IMO





Donna 

[sue]

Good question.  After I lost David I became pregnant some 8 weeks later and gave birth to a daughter Olivia.  The love I have her for sometimes is quite overwhelming but I dont know whether that is because of the loss of David or whether its because my other two children are 14 and 9 so you dont always get the kisses and cuddles from them as you from a younger child.  My other two kids have made comments to me "you love Olivia more than you do us" which I dont I love them all equally but sometimes I look at Olivia and wonder how much David would have looked like her (my other 2 kids are from first marriage).  I was happy that i had a daughter after loosing David but I really want another baby and I would love to have a son obviuisly cannot guarantee that but not to replace David.

Sue
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