i really need some advice?

[elenors mummy]

Morning Ladies.... i need your help.....

I have just taken Dom and Elle to school..... come home gone upstairs to make their beds and tidy up and i have found this letter that Elle has wrote.


Dear Elenor

I miss you so much i wosh you could be here i just want you to come back but you cant but i really miss you why did god have to take you away from us it isnt fair you should be with us now i wish i could have seen you before you went to heaven but mummy said i wouldnt want to see you with lots of tubes in you i have tried to be strong but i cant i just want you to come back. i love you . ellesse xxxxx

I am sat here is tears ??? i dont know when she wrote it.... i do her bedroom everyday and it was just on the floor at the side of her bed? i dont know if she wrote it last night... she cries alot as she misses her but i didnt realise she felt like this? is it my fault for taking her to the meet in manchester on saturday? i really dont kow what to do as she got up fine this morning and seemed herself?

can anyone help/?

i am devestated

[claire-enzo'smommy]

aww hun you never know she prob left it there on purpose for you to see and not wanting you to know until she went to school i know james is only 6 and he asks so many questions but cant get everything out as hes so young ellesse is older and maybe thought writing the letter would tell you how shes feeling as she doesnt want to upset you talkin bout it weve not really chatted but if you want to chat just give me a yell

[Adams Mum]

It most certainly is not your fault - you said yourself she wanted to come to Manchester.  I do honestly believe that trying to protect our l/c by excluding them from things - can actually do more harm.

As much as it hurts to read her letter, personally I think being able to write down her feelings is good - dont we feel better for writing things down?  

The sad truth is she will miss Elenor - and maybe having Lola around is reminding her of the things she missed.  

[olivias mummy]

Lynette  

I am sat here in tears myself and i wish i had the answers for you but all i can think is it is a good thing that Elle is writing down her feeling as its better than keping them bottled up. maybe you could get her a book for her to write in to Elenor whenever she likes and to do pictures for her or make arty pages etc like a kind of scrap book?
I would get her alone tonight and talk to her about the way she is feeling and make sure she knows that she can always talk to you and explain that even if it makes you cry that doesnt mean you dont want her to talk to you as i think it will be nice for you both. you may already do that its all i can think of.
perhaps if you think she is really low about everything you could talk to you doctor as maybe she could do child counselling but from what you say i dont think she is in need of that i just think she needs an outlet for her feelings and writing them down is excellent.

If i think of anything else then i will post again and i cant imagine how dificult and heartbreaking it must be for you to see her in such pain but she is a good girl and she is letting her feelings out which is the best thing.

Love cheryl xx  

[kate]

Hi Lynette,


Im not going to pretend  that i know what you are going through as i dont but i do know a little from Ellises point, you are obviously a very close family, and s love all four of your children so much.Ellise could have left that there for you to find, maybe she is worried of talking to you as she knows how hard it is for you.

There can be the closest of mum/daughter relatonships and we can still feel a little scared of talking.

I left a letter when i was younger in my room and ill tell you now i left that and when i was at school i was hoping and preying my mum would read it and when i walked through the door and my mum held me in her arms and we cried together that was what i wanted.

Im not saying this is the case at all but its just a thought. Its not your fault you have done nothing but be a good mummy.

Maybe Saturday was what Ellise needed?

Love Kate xxxxxxxx


                




 

[elenors mummy]

this is the thing i dont understand we talk about elenor all the ime and we all cry together as well...... she has made her cards before and wrote her letters before but nothing like this..... we have cuddles all the time and cudddles normally turn into tears i am just devestated that the letter was just sat there this morning... i mean if she wrote it last night then she was prob crying all by herself in her bedroom now that i cant cope with..... she knows she can talk to me about anything in the world and she knows that if i am upset she talks to wes.......
I will chat with her tonight and see what happens
thanks girls x

[elenors mummy]

kim.....

you made me smile through my tears

thank you xx

[Jen]

Lynette 

In so many ways what Elle has done is very healthy. She has found a "private" outlet for her feelings.

I really wouldn't worry about it. She is a beautiful little (tall) girl who is happy but is having to deal with the loss of her little sister.

You know where I am and I am sending some massive hugs to you today. Chat soon

Jen

[MammytoAbigail]

orrrr hun thats the sweetest thing ive ever heard! i really dont no what to say! its NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL! shes a little gem! i really dont have any advise hun! but please its not your fault!! xxx 

[suzanne]

   aw bless.it is really good that she is writing down her feelings.at least she is not bottling them up. i had to get counselling for my son shortly after caitlin died.he was 9 at the time. a counsellor came into his school and worked with him to make a scrapbook and diary etc. they continued weekly for a long time and i really think it helped. the counsellor was arranged for me through sands. stephen (danielles daddy on here).

[karaokej88]

aw!

i can imagine how hard that was for you to find. but maybe the others are right - this is her way of letting you know that she needs to talk.

on the other hand, it may be that she dropped it by accident. maybe the best way to start is just by saying, "i was tidying your room today" and then leave a pause, see if she volunteers to start the chat.

at least she is getting her feelings out and on paper, when i was younger i suffered a loss (my mum), and i didnt talk about it and i didnt write anything down, and the stress caused me to tear my tendons and i ended up in a plaster cast on my leg for 6 weeks!

so it is defo good she is writing it down.

take care,
love jane. xxxx

[sue]

Have not got any words of advice but thought the letter was so touching and like the other girls have said  it is better that she is putting her feelings down in writing which hopefully will help her as well.


Love Sue
X

[Ali - Daisy's mummy]

Lynette

I just want you to know am thinking of you.  Have read through the advice the other girls have given and can see just how helpful they have been, really hope it helps you.

I know that as an adult I like everyone else can't understand why we loose our much loved babies, so for children it must be more confusing.  It might really help to let her know she can talk about Elenor and I think the idea of a thought book or scrap book is a great idea.  But do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

It is a really good thing that Elle is is writing down her feelings and I think you did the right thing bringing her to the Manchester Meet, espically when she wanted to go.  Maybe going and meeting other mum's has let her feel it's ok to put down her feelings after meeting other angel mummies.

You definately haven't done anything wrong, and as much as Elle's letter was hard to find, perhaps that's part of her grieving and could be the reason why she felt ok today and hasn't felt the need to cry.  Maybe she knows writing to Elenor makes her feel better.  I can't be sure but I do think any form of showing emotion is so much better than bottling it up.

Wishing you gentle days ahead

Sending lots of love 
Ali
xxx
 

[olivias mummy]

when i saw my counsellor she suggested writing stuff down as a form of self help so thats why i think it is a good thing.

Elle is a big girl now and perhaps she finds it easier to write her feelings down?

Remember how we used to write stuff about random boys at school down in diarys etc well this is along them lines its just that Elle has something biggr on her mind than silly boys.

  for Elle

love cheryl xx 

[ginger dee]

I wounld not worry to much my oldest whos only 5 will sometimes draw pic and write things and tell me whats she wrote to her brother and shes done pics and hiddien them and asked me not to look. Its there own way of dealing with how they feel and its good that they do not bottle it up.xxxxxxxxxxx